my belief in 'Trust' is at an all time low... but not lost.

A bloke's April 2004 online journal

I'm just going with the flow.
any red/green 'highlighted' words are links to deeper stuff.

Thursday 1st April
Kerry arrived with Michael after work
and she will be staying here till They move down South.

Fighting the pain of my recent intense Psoriasis attack,
I managed to get across the road to provide numbers for Monday
and left a bit inebriated and wrote a reply to Sally's E-mail
that worried my sleep as honesty can be a burden.

Friday 2nd April
Picked up my E-mail with trepidation
but was pleased that Sally had read it in the friendly way that I flirted,
both of us remembering our first love, many moons ago
but equally aware that she has a loving partner in her Steve.

Unable to get across the road for Monday's practice,
Cyril popped in and collected the numbers info.

Had an E-chat with Sally later
and I played our album 'Bridge over troubled water'
with kind thoughts for her concern.

Saturday 3rd April
Unable to bend to pick up the mail from the floor,
it had to wait till Michael returned from work.

Mark also arrived, ready for the 'Boys' night out to celebrate Michaels move
and, as the lads were going to a Lap dance club in Liverpool,
Kerry and the girls were having a night out at the Coliseum, Ellesmere Port,
while Sarah went to Bingo with her Mum.

Fortunately, I didn't move from my chair
and ended up watching 'American Beauty' on TV
which I now accept as quite stunning.

After slowly moving to the PC, I collected a nice E-mail from Vince,
a fellow sufferer, which gave me further support
in overcoming this passing pain presence
but now I've got to make effort to overcome
the anaesthetic that I've been using of late, from 'Bargain Booze'.
while listening to Bob Harris on the radio as I type this missive
(maybe I've been trying to control my emotions of late... too much).

I was so pleased to hear that English Cricket had triumphed in the West Indies.

Sunday 4th April
Just about capable to prepare stuff for tomorrow's
Whitby Chapter meeting but was well aware
that this pain is worse than the September outbreak.

Monday 5th April
Doug picked me up to take me across the road
and while embarrassed at the look of my hands
I did manage to have an enjoyable night.

Tuesday 6th April
Phoned Aunty Dot on her 85th Birthday,
a lovely Lady,
and fought her call for me to visit the Doctor
but when Doug phoned and nagged me further,
I phoned for a home visit
but managed to hobble next door to the Surgery.

After I turned down the offer of an Ambulance,
I returned home and packed an overnight case
before Kyle and Becka kindly took me to hospital,
along with Michael and Kerry.

 I was a bit choked as Michael left
but once I'd been processed and allocated a bed,
I went with the flow and took the pills.

Wednesday 7th April
Before, during and after another painful collection of naps,
I was tested, prodded and pulsed
before being moved to another Ward
where I was tested, prodded and pulsed
before the Doctor told me that all was well
and that I would now see the skin Consultant... soon.

Fortunately, it was her day at that Hospital and
after a very nice chat we agreed to meet again on the 13th,
after another blood test tomorrow,
and I was allowed to return home,
still in pain but with lots of gooey stuff to make it ease.

I'm not a Hospital type of guy but I've no qualms
about thanking the Staff at the Countess of Chester
for the way they moved their Patients through the system
but, as a watcher, I was aware of tensions within their system.

Thursday 8th April
Went for the blood test,
before Doug came here to make sure I was OK,
then took a long soak in the bath and felt better
and, after receiving a lovely E-mail from Sally,
forced myself to go across the road and have a Pint
without too much embarrassment about my hands.

Friday 9th April
Michael went for a meal with his Mum and her new man,
while I attacked my irritations.

Saturday 10th April
Michael went for a meal with Sarah and his workmates
while I tried to find fitting words to write on a 'Good Luck' card.

Had a nice MSN Messenger conversation with Steve,
as well as a surprise E-conversation with Nick,
at the same time
but was saddened that I'd missed E-chatting with Sally...
I'll have to put AOL Messenger on my main machine.

Sunday 11th April
Michael's friend, Steve, turned up with a White Van
and they soon had his room packed away in the back
before it was time to bid our fond farewells.

It was with a heavy heart that I gave Michael a big hug
as I wished him well in his big adventure
but I know that he'll have lots to tell me
when he pops back up North in the next few Months.

Did I say he'd packed all of his room,
apart from the mountain of black bags outside
I found various other bags and boxes of detritus secreted around the house
as I aimlessly evaluated the space that was left.

After I enjoyed another long soak in things medical,
Sarah phoned with some sad news about Mark's Granddad's health
and I was well aware that she's going to miss her little Brother rather a lot,
as I thanked her for her Easter Egg, but I haven't been in a chocolate mood,
although I'll enjoy her and Michael's eggs soon.

Monday 12th April
A less painful day, but did nothing of any consequence.

Tuesday 13th April
Doug kindly came and took me to Clatterbridge Hospital
for my appointment with my Consultant in the morning
and I accepted the Acitretin\Light combination
in the hope that the benefits will outweigh the side effects.

 My Mother and Aunty Dot called in during the afternoon
and I later spoke on the phone with my Sister, on her Birthday
and was pleased to report that things are a bit easier.

Wednesday 14th April
Received a phone call from Michael
and he seems pleased with his new Store.
Although still in pain, I was able to enjoy Cyril's invitation to Whitby
and enjoyed a talk on Masonic Charity, and a meal.

Thursday 15th April
The hands seem to be getting stiffer
but I still managed to get across the road to John's Installation
where I was plied with plentiful anaesthetic.

Friday 16th April
Tried another long soak
but not a comfortable day.

Saturday 17th April
Was happy that there is a noticeable improvement
and easing of pain,
so I attacked the terrible backlog of Spam on my computer
and was pleased to find a couple of nice E-mails, from Gordon and Tony.

Sunday 18th April
Tried another long soak
in the hope that I can feel more comfortable tomorrow
when Sarah and Mark take me to see 'Wishbone Ash'.

Monday 19th April
Received some cheer, for a change, in the post
which gave heart to my idea that maybe
I am doing something right.

Jason, Mark's Brother kindly came and picked me up
and took me to join Sarah and Mark.
Mark and Jason's Granddads Funeral is on Thursday
While I was at their house, Michael phoned Sarah
and, after he had told her of his first day in the new Store,
I was able to chat about how he was settling in, in general.
The four of us thoroughly enjoyed our visit to Telfords
and I was pleased that Sarah, Mark and Jason also enjoyed
listening to professional old time Rock.

Tuesday 20th April
Doug phoned to check that all was OK
and must admit that the expected stuff is beginning,
dry lips, thinning hair, etc. but I'm sure it'll be worth it.

Managed to get some domestic stuff done,
although I can't get used to the pink Marigolds,
and enjoyed a chat with Michael's friend, Jamie,
who popped in for a bit of pc advice.

The NTL man came to collect the cable box from Michael's room
and, after watching an interesting TV programme about Thornborough,
I enjoyed another long soak and felt easier.

Wednesday 21st April
Doug checked up on me again
and I do appreciate his concern
as I come to terms with inevitability.

John's lady, Jean, drove us to Port Sunlight
and the blokes, enjoyed Steve's invite to a special 2nd at Progress,
especially as the PGM and his Assistant were in attendance.

Steve contacted me on MSN Messenger later,
about my feelings on the night and,
after confirming much pleasure,
we had a go at the games on Messenger and,
while I'll look up the Rules for Minesweeper,
I did enjoy a few games of Checkers.

Thursday 22nd April
I was hurting sufficiently to have to miss the Funeral
but when Peter popped round, I felt better,
sufficient to have another go at the Kafkaesque DWP via the 'phone
and, confused, by the evening, I felt a need to have a drink among friends,
before I became engrossed in the Livius web site.

Friday 23rd April
An uncomfortable day but managed to make a Webcam
connection with Sarah & Mark.

Saturday 24th April
Received mail from the DWP, to find the A1 claim form again
and it seems I've now got to start from the beginning again,
which led to another apathy day,
although I did manage a Credit Card Supermarket run
and bumped into Scott, from the Hospice,
and enjoyed the chance chat,
before I spent the Evening, watching repeats on TV
but missed the chance of an E-chat with Sally.

Sunday 25th April
I'm content that the worst is over now
as I regain my fingers and toes
but I'm saddened that my Garden still reflects
my inabilities of late.

Monday 26th April
I took my 35 seconds of Light at Clatterbridge Hospital
before returning home to continue catching up,
now that my hands are so much better.

While I'm not allowed to drink alcohol
I needed to get across to the Woody tonight,
after so many weeks absence,
but was gobsmacked at the news I received.

Tony, a 26 Year survivor of Marriage, had in the last few weeks
undergone a similar 'I'm my own Woman syndrome' experience
and I can only feel sadness... OK, empathy, with his suffering.

Tuesday 27th April
Irritation, rather than pain, is bearable now
and it's nice to be able to pick up stuff again.

Jamie, Michael's friend, popped in to pick up some pc bits
and it was nice to have a bit of cheer about again
and coincidentally, Timmie popped in for a chat,
before I phoned Michael about a parcel that had arrived for him
and I was pleased to hear that he's settling in well.

Wednesday 28th April
Zapped with light again, for 1.11 minutes,
took another blood test and posted Michael's parcel,
before rushing home for a 'bacon buttie'
after the fast from last evening.

Simon, my Sister's lad, popped in to see me,
perchance with his PC... which wasn't working properly.
After removing virus' from +3500 affected files,
there is NO excuse for not having Anti Virus protection,
whether you pay for it or use a free service
such as http://www.grisoft.com,
it worked much better.

Simon left in time for me to get myself a nice mug of coffee and settle down
in time to relax through a much needed E-chat with Sally, on AOL Messenger,
and we got Ad-aware installed on her PC, and and hopefully later, her Family's PCs,
before I got stuck into reading an article, that Richard had guided me to,
about Philipp Joseph Frick (1742-1798).

Thursday 29th April
Wasn't able to make it to the Hospice Fundraising Office for 2
but by the evening I was able to force myself to go out...
and turned right for a Thursday change,
and went to see how Tony was, in the Woody.

Friday 30th April
Wasn't able to get up to see my Consultant in the morning
but managed to get up to 1.35 mins of Light in the afternoon
before calling in to see Doug and welcomed receipt of Masonic Charity.