belief in 'Trust' is at an all time low... but not lost.
just going with the flow.
red/green 'highlighted' words are links to deeper stuff.
a bad night's sleep,
I accepted that I'm going to have to make an appointment
with my Doctor
as the Psoriasis
spreads again, and the headaches
hopefully start to ease,
but the spine and fingers seem to have taken the
brunt this time,
and yet I managed to get through the day with unfounded optimism.
woke me, but I was pleased that I didn't have to pace the floor,
but had to
shrug my shoulders after receiving my Bank imbalance statement
before I found
my Doctor was off work in the afternoon, so must try again tomorrow
sadly unable to take the chance of visiting Doug in the evening
to chat, due
to a humdinger head hit.
10 in the evening, I was able to phone Sarah
and was happy that her stuff
is being settled amicably.
prescription from my Doctor and,
after picking up potions and pills,
myself through a muzzy head.
next door to help Tony, as Pete, my Cousin, phoned
and I explained that I
needed to sell the house... for me to rent,
as I can't pay my bills and I've
run out of food and monies,
apart from my Incapacity Benefits, and also need
to pay off my runaway wife.
sorry that we will have no Equity to pass on to our two youngsters.
phoned later in the evening and it was good to talk to him,
as we tried to
get his PC connected to Broadband, in his Flat,
but still had to take a Migraleve
night needed a cold touch,
and I'm looking forward to Friday's Hospital visit,
as I don't need this new attack of Psoriasis,
to stop the recent easing of Fingers, through to Back,
becoming fully agile
opening the unfortunate mail, I phoned the jobcentreplus
to see if there was
any action of my plight soon... only to find
that they were sending me the
form back again, so still no help there
but, after Chris popped in, I enjoyed
some fish 'n Chips
and was pleased to see him appreciate MSN Messenger in
little sleep, broken sleep, needed only one pacing session
but the hands now
swollen, unbending and unable to use a can opener,
although I did manage to
clear the blocked filter on the washing machine
before Tony A phoned, needing
a reassuring chat
'the blind leading the blind'.
peaceful sleep, broken by 2 Alarms and a wake up call from my Sister,
got me to my hospital appointment this time...
to hear that I should stop
the Acitretin and enter Hospital as an In-Patient.
long-time accepted that Life wasn't fair and I explained that now
the best time for me to disappear into hospital...
so I've got to attend again,
for 3 light treatments a week, indefinitely.
struggling to bring key to lock, I opened my front door
and found more unwelcome
mail and, after viewing the damage,
and the jobcentreplus Forms, again, I
went into Ellesmere Port
and dropped off a signed form at my Solicitors
before trying to get help at the Citizens Advice Bureau
and a Community thingy,
but to no avail.
local Rep from the Federation of Small Businesses called round
and I explained
that I don't know if I have a business anymore.
some toast, a Migraleve and a coating of oily gunk
before resting the hands
in front of the TV,
till my main PC began emitting alarming beeps and promptly
I shrugged, sighed and switched off.
Things can only get better...
late, after a reasonably peaceful sleep, to find just one letter
at the foot
of the stairs, informing me that the Judge held
"that the respondent
has behaved in such a way
that the petitioner cannot reasonably
to live with the respondent".
hands and heart hurting,
I wasn't inclined to fault find and left the PC till
when I found that it was a dodgy Graphics card,
but unable to
fiddle with screws, I used the other PC.
sleep ended with a head alarm
and I got up early, well before 12, and smothered
more gunk on,
before wrapping my fingers in Honeyed Tissues and sticky tape,
seemed to ease things sufficiently for me
to manage a cursory mowing of the
aware of my difficulty in rolling a cigarette
popped over with kind thoughts
and prepared solace.
based pursuits and paper finger splints don't go together well,
when putting on pink Marigolds, so the sink stayed stacked
as I got the main
PC limping along and explored the MoodGYM,
- Middle to High, Anxiety - High to Very High, Warpy Thoughts - Noproblemos
and I'll do the WUTIWUF Exercise, over the next 7 days,
and see if I can stay
steady through the onrushing whirlpool of Divorce.
night of heads caused me to sleep late again
and I was still in dressing gown
when Tony A called round
with a kind gesture of foodstuff but, after comparing
I gratefully declined his invite for a pint later.
phoned the Chester jobcentreplus
to say that I hadn't been able to comply,
returning the form that I received on Friday,
by the deadline date today,
found a sympathetic listener.
I painfully showered, and managed to tie my laces,
and went across to the Woody
with a penny in my pocket,
even though I hadn't eaten all day,
that I've got three good friends
that I would miss.
a good Night, or Day, and I had to phone the jobcentreplus,
to apologise for
not being able to call in and get the forms sorted,
but I must get there soon.
and tried to understand a letter from the Land Registry
and managed to get
through to one of my creditors
and gain some extra time.
nicely when paranormal John's Brother, Phil, popped in
and we chatted about
music from a Rock perspective,
as there are only 3 days between our Birthdates,
though we were of an Era, where 'Rockers'
frequently used to beat me up, a
'Mod' in the 60's,
and felt joyful as I went to bed
after a lovely
E-chat, with Sally.
and woke well, hands quieted
sufficient to drive to Chester jobcentreplus,
years'ish since I worked at Norroy House,
feeling feeble and confused by fast
I was guided to a nice lady who tried to help,
and it would
be nice if I can get the Forms sorted
before the anniversary of my initial
appeal, in September.
off the Land Registry letter with my Solicitor
before the appointment with
and collected some DiproSalic Ointment for my hands
and I'm saying
nothing about my head... just in case.
called in and, after thoughtfully passing on his top notch '98 scanner,
his skills so far, in renovating the old photograph of Priory Farm,
had a nice chat before Rachel popped over to say that her Dad,
a friend of
mine, is dropping in shortly to see if he can help.
I've enjoyed switching off background TV lately
and using the Radio channels
on NTL, especially Planet R
while using the Planet
Rock web page to save me struggling with names,
I know that opening riff...
the voice... nearly there... of course.
well but woken badly, with bloody raw skin,
and don't need redirecting Nisi
and didn't need Tim mithering at mid day
but was pleased to
let him prove something positive,
before mid night
but wonder at the idea
of being there for everyone.
n Hands hurting,
it was lovely to see the invitation on Messenger
want Michael on your Pals list?'
and we enjoyed our perfunctory conversation
I felt good.
hoping that that was a peak
as I come through the days of pain,
on a par,
possibly worse, with April's attack
but I was able
to text Sarah as she starts her new responsibility.
John woke me several times with impatient phone ringing
before he called round,
and I went round to his place
after England had won the important Cricket
but I was unable to fathom his team problems.
made contact, via MSN Messenger,
before poverty pockets ignored penury
I enjoyed the barbs of a Monday night at the Woody.
with new pain and phoned for a Doctor's appointment,
which produced a prescription
for Gentisone Eardrops
and Oxytetracycline Antibiotics,
and I shook my
head and sighed...
but at least the Cluster attack seems to have run it's
hands and heels are also improving
and I was able to don pink Marigolds again
I attempted to catch up on clearing the kitchen backlog
before revisiting Andre's
kindred spirit website
and phoning Pete, Tony P and Tony S.
Pete's friend phoned and arranged to call tomorrow to view the house
possibilities, before I
phoned the hospital, as requested by mail,
and now have an appointment, September
for a Gastroscopy procedure which should, hopefully,
on my physical distress.
the Anniversary of Sylvia's shocking admission is on Friday, the 20th,
was in blind disbelief that I went to the Woody on the Wednesday
oblivious of the football fans, tried to understand...
and, a year on, I still
struggle to comprehend her actions, and miss her,
but know that it's now my
Life alone that must go forward, head held high.
Pete's friend came and had a look around the house
and I await his thoughts
Pained and poor, I phoned the Pioneer
see if there might be a way of developing the hard work
that Morris and I had
put into creating our Ellesmere Port websites
and found an interested ear,
before I spoke with Eve, Morris's Widow
and later lethargically lounged after
managing to munch a pizza.
12 Months ago I awoke, still prepared to die to protect someone I loved
this year, after another painful night's sleep, I awoke to a phone call
the Local Council, informing me that I wasn't getting any Incapacity Benefits,
and my Kafkaesk disbelief was later tempered
by a visit from Tony A
and a phone call from Tony S as he sorted my business
Tony A and I then watched a recording together, of a BBC programme,
women's toyboy passions and, after a few beers,
decided that it would be cool
to head off, as single blokes together,
next year, when the dust and legalities
and explore mainland Europe together.
Slept well, till late, and enjoyed watching the last hours of the cricket
searching the sides of the seating for Sterling
and found sufficient for a
packet of Dutch Drum.
Tony, from next door, in his garden and enquired of his holiday
him in on my predicament and was heartened, shortly after,
by his kindness
as he handed a bag of nourishment over the fence
and, while saddened that life
had reached such a low,
I am more determined to overcome such dire difficulties
maintain my friendship with such a good Neighbour.
My Mother, Sister and Nephew came round in the afternoon
bearing bags of beneficence
and Marlboro, and their faulty computer,
and we compared our common Gluten
it was worthy of a family photo
Margaret was averse to the idea,
as I would have popped it up here.
Valerie arrived and took photo's for the Pioneer
like a copy of the last shot that she showed me
and hope that my plea
for help will be successful.
don't know what the eventual article will consist of
but trust that someone
in their readership will feel an affinity
to provide financial input, or a
willingness to help, to develop my E.Port Website.
and his Siblings popped in and surprised me
with some Bulgarian Cigarettes,
after their holiday,
and I'm hoping that the 'Victory' brand will symbolise
phoning Tony A to wish him a Happy Birthday, as he was away in Llangollen,
I popped to the Woody and was empowered, as usual,
by Ernie and Scotty's supportive
irreverence to my distress and discomfort.
Another reasonable nights sleep, although an uncomfortable day,
to chat with Tom and John when they called in,
and coped with a mild head in
but annoyed that I didn't get anything 'positively' done.
Slept well and, after removing the last of the plasters,
was able to clench
my fingers without hurting to much,
so attempted to clear the backlog of spam
found a lovely E-mail from Yale, lost among
with kind thoughts and an interesting link to Candida
afternoon provided a phone call from Morris's Son, Neil,
he had read the Pioneer, and would like to help continue his Dad's work.
quickly donned shoes and nipped to the Newsagents
and bought a copy of the
paper, but managed to get home
and make a cup of coffee before opening to page
the article gave me the impression that I wanted to
pack it all in,
and the hits quoted were for one experimental E.Port page,
46,220 so far this month for the site,
I am hopeful that something worthwhile
as I'm fed up with all my moaning of late.
A bad nights sleep, which was probably more stress than illness,
but felt better
after Tony S dropped of my loss making accounts and,
a couple of pounds worth of 5p coins from the penny pile
I took cheer and popped
across the road to the Club,
but didn't need to use them as friends made me
Drove into Chester and dropped off the accounts to the jobcentreplus
getting a phone call about the house and,
while no decision has yet been made,
at least the idea hasn't been dismissed.
myself comfortable for
a committee meeting across the road,
and heard about a photo of a 'Ghost' that
had been taken in the Club,
before having a long chat, over a few beers, with
Paranormal John called round to pick me up,
to go and look at his web site
and I agreed to see if I could sort it out,
after we made a copy onto CD, I
returned home with a Graphics Card
but, after fixing my pc, I didn't
get anything done in the evening,
as my Sister phoned, and I spent many hours
chatting to her best friend
on the phone, as I showed her the potential of
While the headaches of late have been very mild
I suffered a bit of a relapse
in the morning
but not of the severity that pained the last few months and,
apart from exploring the SP2 upgrade to my Windows XP PC, I didn't get much
and was surprised when Jason, Marks Brother, turned up, worse the wear,
just before 1 in the morning, after a good day out in Liverpool,
a bed to crash out in, and I was pleased to help out.
Headaches seared hard through the night
and lethargy stopped me checking that
had recovered from his Beatles night memory,
and could only call
out a reply, as he bade farewell,
and was disheartened that I couldn't get
out of bed.
was nearly 1 in the afternoon when I did get out of bed and I wondered
I should have gone into hospital, when it was suggested, but I was feeling easier
when Tony A popped in for a coffee and a chat about his holiday, before Tim popped
over and promptly jammed my printer, yet it was in only a bit of discomfort
that I watched Working Girl
again, a charming 'feel good' movie.
Arran contacted me on Messenger, early in the morning,
telling me that someone
had been asking him about the article
with a view to buying the Domain name...
and it made me think...
and I admitted that I would have to be involved
maintain a standard that I've tried so hard to maintain.
is.... it hasn't earned a proper income
and I'm unsure about what it was trying
slept well before a reassuring phone call from Judy at the RMBI
when I answered the door at mid-day
and found Rachel offering me the key to
her house, I looked rough,
as they were expecting a new washing machine but,
after no delivery,
the key was collected and I looked better.
and put a cheque in the Bank,
and posted my VAT return late,
John and his Daughter popped in
with a PC in need
of Ad-Aware SE
was maybe a bit hard on his web site content.
John left, I was able to pop down to the Supermarket
and buy a few basic provisions,
before receiving a nice text from Sarah,
and I'm looking forward to seeing
her on Saturday, my Birthday.
I was amazed at the implications of Blogging
and was impressed with the blog
Service offered by
while enjoying the Santana version of She's