my belief in 'Trust' is at an all time low... but not lost.

A bloke's December 2004 online journal

I'm just going with the flow
any red/green 'highlighted' words are links to deeper stuff

Wednesday 1st December
Sarah phoned to say she was unable to get here today, due to mild panic
ahead of a visitation from 'The Company Boss' to her recently opened Store
before Ian came round in the evening and, after he kindly prepared a pasta meal,
 we settled down to watch the TV programme Light Fantastic,
which lived up to it's expectations and provided a couple of new insights.

Thursday 2nd December
Pleased to find that Doug had popped some kind relief through the letterbox
when I picked up the other nasty envelopes
and, after chatting to Tony A, on MSN Messenger, later
I agreed to get out of the house
to enjoy a Guinness and a chat, in the Woody.

Friday 3rd December
Couldn't sleep through the night, bloated and bothered
but exhaustion eventually caused me to sleep through the daylight,
leading to another nothing Friday for me,
but important to my Mum
as she was allowed home from Hospital.

Saturday 4th December
Paranormal John popped in and I accepted his invitation,
to become an Investigator with the Cheshire Paranormal Society,
and I look forward to attending Vigils, once my reality problems are eased
and my head is clearer, and I managed a smile later, after receiving a phone call
from Michael, my Son, and was pleased that he is doing so well.

Sunday 5th December
I had a play with some Paranormal web pages
before Ian popped in with a Kebab, Wine and Marlboro
and I was pleased to watch Top Gear in company.

Later, I pondered on the past week's predicaments
and am surprised at how little effluent landed,
but the pressure continues to build... and it must surely blow soon.

Monday 6th December
Apart from difficulties in opening rolled plastic refuse bags,
I'm pleased at how the skin is improving, not so much Hoovering,
despite the troubled mind and spirit
and there's only one dodgy fingertip left to heal,
and the arm, and back of thighs are eased,
a bit better than I was this time last year, as Christmas approaches
and, in my jeans 'n T-Shirt, I was pleased to greet a visitor.

Paranormal John kindly sorted me out with some Milk, Marlboro
and funds to stand proud in the Woody's bar, later,
after I showed him my idea for his website.

Tuesday 7th December
Asked for help, and Doug cleared the Bounty Hunter,
without hesitation, and my knees weakened as the pressure passed
and, still mulling, I was able to greet Ian and his friend Dave,
as they came to take away some old metalwork from the patio, and later
enjoyed tasty Duck, peppers and black bean sauce in their company.

Wednesday 8th December
A late rising again, avoiding the mail and pressures pushing
but I was able to phone Sylvia later, to reassure her
that things were happening beneath the quagmire, that we both share,
and was smiling when Ian and Dave returned, to watch Light Fantastic,
 bearing Coffee and a Double Beef burger.

Thursday 9th December
Paranormal John popped in with some new photographs and,
after borrowing a fiver, I popped across to the Woody
where Phil had remembered the tobacco that he didn't like.

Friday 10th December
Got through another day
and got used to the pipe again
as I repeatedly played Ian's J. J. Cale CD.

Saturday 11th December
Another day of static avoidance,
was late stirred by a visit from Ian and his poorly PC
and I soon remembered why I'd stopped offering PC repair help.

Sunday 12th December
Rose as the sun set
and stayed in dressing gown
as I explored the past.

Monday 13th December
Couldn't get into town to pay in the cheque that I'd received
but was lifted by a phone conversation with Sharon
as my wild card played out.

Doug popped in and allowed me some sugar, milk and bacon
before I popped into the Woody, unsmoking,
with more cheer than usual.

Tuesday 14th December
Rose late, knowing the floodgates are creaking
and the slowness of the British post and,
while enjoying the beef burger that Ian and Dave brought,
I needed to spend time with Paranormal John,
and then Sylvia phoned about Sarah's move,
and I was pleased that the consensus was Cool
as I continued to enhance my timeline, still to JJ's new songs.

Wednesday 15th December
Ian and Dave popped in with food and then Roger arrived
with some speciality beers and then Paranormal John arrived,
and then I settled down to just me watching TV.

Thursday 16th December
Enjoyed John B's invitation to a Hooton Park Half-Night Christmas do
and managed to unwind over a fine Turkey and Xmas Pudding
and even managed to win a Cuddly Teddy bear in the raffle.

Friday 17th December
After a late rising, I wrote a letter against further development
of the Off-Licence next door and printed Rachel's complaint
but was pleased to find Nick at my door later and,
after he introduced me to Need for Speed on the PC,
I found myself going to bed at 6.30, as the delivery wagon arrived next door.

Saturday 18th December
After a phone call the previous day, I pottered around the house, tidying up
and, after getting the Christmas Decorations bag out of the box room,
I found a Christmas Card that I could give to Sarah tomorrow
and, while I'm not going to have a Tree this year, was able
to sprinkle a bit of Christmas Cheer about the house.

Sunday 19th December
Woke late, through the 3 alarms, but was able to Hoover and Shower
before Sarah arrived, and was pleased at her reaction to my Xmas spirit
but overjoyed at her three gifts... not Christmas Presents.

Sarah smiled at the similarity of sentiments in our Christmas Cards
and I was also warmed by the Notes of the Realm
which she had also enveloped with her kind thoughts
and then I looked at the December copy of Uncut which she bought for me
because she thought I might like the Neil Young Interview.

And then Sarah handed me Half-Life 2... and it wasn't even a Christmas present
that I had to wait another week to play but I was good and put it down
and we went across to the Woody for a nice 'Pub Steak' meal and chat together.

I shrugged the shoulders again and sighed, after Sarah left for her home
and I installed The program, when I found that the registration Number
was missing from the legal packaging... and the helpline was Sunday closed.

Monday 20th December
Woke later than I wanted to, and ignored the mail, as I contacted vugames
and was impressed at the speed with which they sorted my Half-Life problem
which swiftly allowed me access to a truly stunning PC Gaming Experience.

After a visit to the Supermarket and a walk through of a PC problem
with Paranormal John over his lost Internet Connection
I was pleased to pop over to the Woody
and remember my Wedding Day without remorse
before returning to explore a very strange world.

Tuesday 21st December
Listlessly struggled with the day, and the arm,
but later accepted Ian and Dave's offer of a takeaway
before I tried writing some Christmas cards again
but after John called in for a chat again
I lost myself in the game, vowing to get up in the morning.

Wednesday 22nd December
A bad night led to an afternoon rising and again I achieved naught,
albeit collected the unopened mail and unanswered correspondence into one pile,
but didn't get round to phone, to see why I was getting so little State support.

Thursday 23rd December
After staying up all night, I managed to get into Town
and bought some token presents and provisions
before Colin, and then Paranormal John, popped in
and I was then able to summon a bit more energy
to nip across to the Woody. for a pint.

Friday 24th December
Exhaustion caught up with me
but I was freshened by the evening
to use my invite to spend Christmas Eve at the Woody.

Saturday 25th December
Woke early, to Margaret's telephone call
and later enjoyed speaking with Sarah, Michael and my Mother
before settling down to a Christmas day, in my own company
as I avoided my PC, in favour of the TV, and, although I was taping it,
I watched 'Who wrote the Bible', rather than using my ticket for the Woody.

Sunday 26th December
Picked up my E-mails... but again preferred non pc pursuits
and viewed The Wizard of Oz and The Third Man
without couch-potato guilt, but I was aware that I didn't get to see
It's A Wonderful Life, this year, especially as my copy has been boxed
since the decision to sell the house, last February.

Monday 27th December
Margaret and Simon brought and received presents
and we shared Simon's Xmas Card Game and company
before I shared more company with friends in the Woody.

Tuesday 28th December
Got through the day, and night, in Half-life 2.

Wednesday 29th December
I'm not sure anymore about what causes what
and can only take solace in the resting of palm on stomach
as I fight the trembling within.

Thursday 30th December
The inevitable happened and I lost my phone\Internet connection
but at least I can still receive incoming telephone calls
and I was able to talk Dave through his Spybot installation.

Friday 31st December
Resisted the temptation to celebrate
and saw in the New Year in pleasant solace,
knowing I wasn't alone, as I toasted 2005 with Colin's VSOP.

My Apologies to everyone who knows that they
would have received Christmas\New Year greetings from me
but didn't... I got through it OK,
and can only wish you all
a fortunate fortuitist future in 2005.