my belief in 'Trust' is at an all time low... but not lost.

A bloke's July 2004 online journal

I'm just going with the flow.
any red/green 'highlighted' words are links to deeper stuff.

Thursday 1st July
After a night's sleep, I woke refreshed
and prepared for the Medical assessment
and realised that I didn't have the bus fare
and sought help from Rachel, my Neighbour
where I was cheered by her kind thoughts
and felt stronger as I alighted the bus.

Managed to get to the examination on time
and the pain killers continued to do their job
through the perfunctorily forms and stethoscope
before I took the opportunity to call and see Chris
for a nice chat... and I was pleased to wish him
Happy Birthday in person.

Returning home, I looked at the Curtains and pondered
and waited, did some clothes and dish washing and waited
but the killer headache stayed away for most of the night.

Friday 2nd July
Unfortunately the headaches returned early morning,
just as I was preparing to see my Consultant
and it was difficult to hold a phone conversation
when I phoned the hospital
 to apologise for missing my appointment.

By the afternoon, I was just at muzzy level
and after looking at the curtains again,
I knew that something had to be done
and by the time that I went to bed,
I was committed to creating my Batchelor Pad.

Saturday 3rd July
By the evening, I was ready for help and phoned Tim,
who came and gave me a lift with the TV
and a few other heavy objects.

Sunday 4th July
Exhausted, I was happy that the living room looked cool
and the PC area worked well alongside the TV couch
but, apart from being able to let light into the front room,
I've got a lot to do with sounds and superfluous seating.

Arran popped in and tried to convince me
that adverts on my web site would bring in some income
and Paul knocked on the door to see if he could trace
his childhood sweetheart, Sarah.

Monday 5th July
The cluster headaches had robbed another nights sleep
but by evening was prepared to accept Tony's invitation
to visit the Woody with empty pockets
and afterwards went back for a comparison chat
but had to leave early again as the head pained again.

Tuesday 6th July
Little sleep made me slow
but I did manage to do a bit in the front room
and was eventually able to test the record player.

Wednesday 7th July
A useless day was highlighted by a kind phone call
from Bryan, without ulterior motive.

Decided to get to grips with the plethora of spam from my general in-box,
over a thousand, and was chuffed to find a couple of nice E-mails
lost among the dross... and must apologise for not replying earlier,
but was especially pleased to receive a 60s photo from Sally,
using her new e-mail address, which brought back a flood of lovely memories.

Thursday 8th July
Received a letter from Sylvia's Solicitor
informing me that she has severed the joint tenancy
and a letter from the jobcentre informing me
that I'm now signed off work for the next three years.

Tony popped in for a chat, as did Tim,
and I didn't get much done again
as the pain increased.

Friday 9th July
It seems that the State is not helping me with the house
as Michael was living here
and now that Michael has gone
they have sent me new A1 Forms again
rather than just altering the information that I filled in in September.

Sarah phoned to say that she had had a good interview
and I was so pleased that she had got the promotion
that she so richly deserved.

Saturday 10th July
Managed to get some food on the credit card
and the pain killers dumbed down my discomfort for a while.

Sunday 11th July
The pain brought tears and I took three Vallergan tablets
to see if I could manage more than an hour's sleep.

Monday 12th July
Woke at 7.30 after a proper sleep
and heard my nice neighbours talking outside,
funny thought I, till I realised it was evening.

Pretty lethargic till bed
and just two tablets.

Tuesday 13th July
Woke at 11.30 but the muzzy heads turned nasty a few times
and, yet again, I failed to get stuff done
that must be done.

Wednesday 14th July
Little sleep again led to another nothing day
but I did manage to tidy up the living room
between cluster attacks... got to pull myself together.

Thursday 15th July
Broken sleep wasn't as vicious as usual,
and the day was bearable,
so took a chance to go across the road in the evening
and enjoyed the company of the Hooton Park guys
and, thanks to John's kindness, a few bottles of Newcastle.

Friday 16th July
Only a few hours sleep again,
but happy that a cold flannel soothed the raised veins
and by afternoon, after I saw Rachel and had a chat,
I was prepared to attempt driving to pick up my prescription
but more petrol was flowing on the drive than needed to drive
and I shrugged my shoulders,
and still managed to achieve nothing of consequence.

Saturday 17th July
Slept better, and the afternoon haze cleared
after receiving another lovely E-mail from Sally.
I managed to get some things done about the house
and when Tony, next door, told me of his PC problem,
I was happy that I could concentrate sufficiently
to go round and find that his new scanner was duff,
but did manage to get him set up with MSN messenger.

Sunday 18th July
Slept better but the heads kicked in in the morning
and didn't falter
but after a kind visit by Brian,
after my plea for help over an old photo,
and an even kinder gift of assistance in blotting out pain,
a.k.a. a half bottle of Brandy, and Tony called in to check I was OK,
I was able to look at some of the links to these humble pages of mine
and was intrigued that I had been included on the
INTERNET HATE URL CHECK LIST

Monday 19th July
I slept well and woke woozy
at 2 but happy, at no pain
and Peter kindly phoned to chat,
before I removed the final plaster,
and I went with Tim to the Woody for a chat,
dropping the car off at the Service Centre across the road,
and I was pleased to see that Ernie was so much better.
Later, the resultant reaction was bearable and I listened to Radio 2,
and fell in love with Kathryn Williams' 'Relations',
and managed to ease some furrowed brows.

Tuesday 20th July
Slept well again and the day passed cautiously well.
Robin popped in and kindly treated me to a tasty takeaway,
and pleasant company, and conversation,
before I tried putting pen to paper again.
The thumb is still a bit numb but better.

A fine day ended beautifully
after I received a delightful song from Sally,
'Somewhere Over the Rainbow',
and listened, and smiled.

Wednesday 21st July
Slept badly, but managed a couple of hours intermittent sleep,
before the morning passed in pain.
In the evening I tried to contact Michael,
then Sarah, then spoke with Mark.

I nipped next door and credited some Quinine, etc.,
before Sarah sent a text about Sunday,
and I chatted with Mark some more,
and I'm so looking forward to giving my dear Daughter
a big Dad's hug at the weekend.

Thursday 22nd July
Slept well, through till 4 in the afternoon
and, while wincing occasionally,
got through another lethargy day,
maybe too much bread,
before I managed to phone Kerry.

Friday 23rd July
Slept well again and managed to make a couple of phone calls,
before I looked at the stamped mail.

Evidently my Decree Nisi will be pronounced on the 29th.

Noticed that my car had moved,
popped across the road to Ellesmere Service Centre,
and, finding that the lads had sorted it nicely,
I took the chance to nip to the Supermarket
and charge some more Quinine, Nicotine, etc.

Enjoyed chatting to Margaret, my Sister,
on the phone, through most of the night.

Saturday 24th July
Slept through till 2, then pottered around,
free of head pain, trying to get the house tidy,
but still couldn't manage pen to paper.

Sunday 25th July
Eventually slept, and managed a deep sleep,
before pottering around some more.
Sarah phoned to say that she was popping in on Tuesday,
as the Summer Sales preparation had tired her,
but it was good to hear that she was OK.
Mark phoned later and we had a long chat.

Managed to put pen to paper
and attempted to fill in the Income Support form (again).

Three days and nights without a cluster attack,
or even a simple headache, is lovely (touching wood).

Monday 26th July
Must have been MDF, as I slept badly
and, after dropping a form off with my Solicitor,
got another headache, as I entered the Social Security building.
With perspiration flowing from my brow,
the young lady helped me with a form that I hadn't filled
and the intense pain stayed with me through the rest of the day
and night.

Tuesday 27th July
Just coming out of pain,
still in dressing gown, when Sarah arrived
I felt the sadness, as if from a hospital bed
as we chatted about earthquakes erupting.
I'm happy with the understanding
and shared a supportive hug as she left.

Contacted Solicitor's Practice and was assured
that Sylvia's Decree Nisi is a formality
and no need to attend on Thursday.

Mark phoned and we chatted for a few hours
about his assignment.

It was lovely to hear from Michael
and I'm pleased that he is happy
with his move down South
but I wonder at the changes found
when he returns briefly in September?

Chatted on Messenger with Margaret,
as she and her son
attempted to remove two wild bats,
that had flown into their living room.

Wednesday 28th July
A cold compress needed just once
alone, feeling better by bed
after receiving a caring phone call from Doug
and kind virtual thoughts from Vince.

Thursday 29th July
Running on Empty day but I managed a smile
to myself when the radio played the Byrds,
'Turn, Turn, Turn', teenage memories of youthful hope,
which didn't exactly help me understand
my present sad realities... I'm in a mess.

Friday 30th July
Sleepless night caused exhausted sleep to ignore alarms
and miss my appointment with my Psoriasis Consultant
and must get to see her next Friday
as it's now pretty uncomfortable again.

Doug popped in and I was appreciative of his kind thoughts
as I gratefully accepted the bag of foodstuffs.

Tony kindly phoned and I accepted his invitation
to buy me a drink at the Woody and, after trying a few Ciders
with no adverse reaction, we went back to his place
to chew the fat about our predicaments and deserting wives.

Saturday 31st July
Slept well, but don't remember going to bed,
before Allan dropped off some of his home grown potatoes and peas
and Tony popped in to make sure I'd gotten home OK
as Chris popped in with some cigarettes from his holidays.
All told, a nice summers day, pain free
and England playing a fine Test Match.