my belief in 'Trust' has been at an all time low...
but not lost. Time to move on.

A bloke's May 2006 online journal

Searching for a Heart, I just keep on Rocking.
More info is available by clicking any red/green 'highlighted' words, which then links to deeper stuff.

Monday 1st May
Woke with a bit of a hangover, aware that something had happened
but was unable to consolidate concepts, as I confronted Dave and Barry's problems,
and pondered whether 'Jesus' died, before a Monday pint, in the Woody.

Tuesday 2nd May
Listened to some NLP training as I tried to get to grips with household chores
and enjoyed chatting with Arran when he popped in, in the evening, and,
after a brief sojourn to the Woody, I was surprised at the success of the interrupt handshake
and the effect on a sceptical Arran, as we chatted through the night,
before he crashed out on the Futon about 5am, in Michael's room.

Wednesday 3rd May
Surprised to see Arran when I woke, and it was nice to have a coffee ready for me,
and some company, before I attacked the garden on a sunny mid-day and he helped
by answering the door as Kirstie and Sue J popped in, in the afternoon, and,
after Arran returned home, I pottered around the chores again, before dropping a Skype mail
to Graham Drake (London), as some of my friends had contacted him, rather than Chapinchap.

Thursday 4th May
I believe that my understanding of me, maybe still dreaming, is coming together
and got out of my Ivory Tower, before banking Liz R's kind contribution, spending in the supermarket and voting in My 'Local Elections' and, after a hailstone rain disrupted
my logic of 'hanging washing on a washing line' in a nice breeze,
I resorted to the radiator method again.

After Barry J, Dave, John C, Dave D, etc. popped in with problems,
unable to pass beyond PC rapport, I enjoyed a 'Woody's Pint', in good Company,
before watching the results of the English 'Local Vote' Elections
before my Body Exploded.

Friday 5th May
Woke eventually, but stayed in bed
unable to move my left shoulder without severe pain,
feeling nothing of my body, aware of swollen throat and eyes.

Saturday 6th May
Another day that I wouldn't wish on anybody
but managed to open a tin of soup safely
through squinted swollen eyes.

Sunday 7th May
Focussed out the body's angst
and, after another tin of soup in the evening,
accepted Tony A's offer of our usual Sunday chat
and was happy to share TV watching, rather than banter,
as he had recently been hit by similar symptoms.

Monday 8th May
Had been looking forward to an SRIA meeting
but had to phone Chris M to apologise for my non-appearance
when I briefly stirred from my bed.

Tuesday 9th May
Listened to a couple of Nick L's hypnotic CDs, as I lay in bed.

Wednesday 10th May
Woke easier, with swellings decreased, and continued the CD's.

Thursday 11th May
Much better, but didn't want to risk passing anything on in the Woody.

Friday 12th May
Sarah came to see her Dad in the afternoon
and we chatted about stuff
and continued chatting, over a nice red wine through the evening.

After Sarah had mentioned seeing that Neil Young has a new Album out...
I was later in bed than desired as I listened throughout, once found.

Saturday 13th May
The mobile's alarm, and 3 clocks, rang, and I was up for 7
before arriving at day 3 of Nick L's NLP training,
which was equally superbly Mind boggling.

Sunday 14th May
Day 4 tied up some loose threads well
and I was pleased at how refreshed Tony A was, in the evening,
after he allowed me to practice a basic relax trance before we chatted over a can.

I'm happy that I no longer feel destined to remain a 'White Belt'.

Monday 15th May
Feeling good, rose late, from choice, and managed a day without TV, make it 7,
before a visit to the Woody, new landlord, running out of beer, frequently
and realised how difficult it was to elicit sub modalities from friends.

Tuesday 16th May
Received a lovely E-mail from Sally and was concerned at not being able to reply
after studying my 'Homework through the day and I'm aware of the effort required
before Paranormal John popped in and experienced his circle of excellence.

Wednesday 17th May
Enjoyed more research through the day but felt conscious
that I meant to turn up all five senses as I calmly explored the supermarket,
 where I quickly went un-conscious as I trod specific familiar aisles and,
 it was only after I'd put the groceries away, I realized I'd been on visual autopilot,
although I did treat myself to an audio anchor and bought Pearl Jam, that I'd seen last week.

Thursday 18th May
Wanted to text Sylvia with 'Happy Birthday', but worried about being accused of stalking
before I popped up to Tattenhall, to wish my Mum a 'Happy Birthday'
and it was lovely to see Aunty Dot share my Mums day.

Ian M popped in, on my return, with a bottle of Wine and I enjoyed taking a step in helping him,
as I practice, and learnt some interesting disappointments but accepted that Day 1
of Big Brother was research, rather than breaking my Goal of 7 Days without TV.

First impressions: I like the nice black Lady (5), the London Spiv (1)
the posh Lad (2), the good Scouser (7), but fancied the Welsh Lass.

Friday 19th May
Worked on my NLP Homework, and got a bit more clarity
before Mary needed help and I popped round, but once again Tiscali defeated me
and, after my 5's late payment to NTL, I lost My Phone and Broadband communication
my fault, but enjoyed a chat in the Woody's Bar later, with Nick M and Scotty,
after popping into Borders to buy myself Neil's interpretation of Living with War
and nearing 60, I also remember denouncing the 60's Bomb, Vietnam and segregation
and feel sad at the present ignorance of lessons past.

Saturday 20th May
Still slept late, aware that Sheena, nice Lady, needed to chat into the early hours,
MSN Messenger can be a curse sometimes, but nice to be in Rapport with a Female again,
and was a bit clearer, during a supermarket run later, but was still on Visual symbols stimulus,
and was happy that Tony A called my Mobile phone, and we toasted his bachelordom isolation
before Nick M and Scotty joined us for a nice evening in the Woody's characterless Bar, Lounge.

Sunday 21st May
Took the day off from research and, still no TV, apart from Big Brother,
got some housework done before Tony A cycled up for our Sunday chat but,
as he experiences the reaction to his new Batchelor Pad, I avoided lessons learning.

Monday 22nd May
Got more involved in researching Presuppositions,
but eventually managed to enjoy good company in the Woody and,
while I would have preferred more training, despite her happy eyes
I was in Rapport with her sadness, following earlier chats,
and accepted her request for a listener,
without gossiping, sharing the sadness,
to support her vision of a Happy Future through my Training so far.

Tuesday 23rd May
Really enjoying the research and think I understand the difference
between Milton and Meta Modelling, and enjoyed a coffee break,
when Tony A popped in in the afternoon and a lovely phone call from Michael
in the evening provided another warm relax, and I'm pleased that he and Kerry are doing OK,
and more determined to complete my training and pop down to see them both soon.

Wednesday 24th May
Slept late after a fascinating magpie dawn and pondered on how best to absorb so many ideas
before a phone chat with Nick L, before Chris M popped in bearing kind Marlboro thoughts
and I was most impressed with how well he felt after a 'Circle of Excellence'
before I enjoyed trying to match with Sheena, on Skype text, before she phoned
and we then enjoyed another lovely verbal matching through till tomorrow.

Thursday 25th May
Enjoyed my normal late awakenings, feeling secure that People that matter
accept me for what I am (I Think I'm a Good Guy)
and know that there are people who are unaware of my concerns but I enjoyed a Pint later,
after chatting with Steve B, my type of people, after Arran popped in,
but couldn't understand his latest scam, as we're both happy that we are our antithesis.

"When there is need of silence, you speak, and when there is need of speech, you are dumb;
when present, you wish to be absent, and when absent, you desire to be present;
in peace you are for war, and in war you long for peace; in council you descant on bravery, and in the battle you tremble."

Friday 26th May
Couldn't concentrate on my researches, but enjoyed chatting on the phone
to Nick L and Shirley, aware that I'm a student in need for corroboration
before I enjoyed a Pint in pleasant company... but wasn't able to Listen to the Submodalities.

Saturday 27th May
After chatting with Steve B on Skype, Loz arrived,
happy to allow me to practice and experience my NLP learnings
and I was chuffed at the warm, calm, glow that she left with
before I enjoyed a pint in good company, in the Woody and then the "Shell',
and, perchance, enjoyed a chat with Tony A's lad, Dave A.

Sunday 28th May
Pottered around,  a bit aimlessly, amid domestic chores
before an enjoyable chat with Brian B on the phone
and was pleased at his reaction to Vision and swish
before Tony A cycled up for our Sunday cans and chat
before trying to get my VAT return completed.

Monday 29th May
Switched on my PC as I passed, on the way to a first Coffee,
and received a plea for help from a pretty damsel in distress
before another blond moment when my Sister contacted me
and by the evening, I enjoyed a me moment later, watching Big Brother,
before an interesting visit to the Woody, aware of potential repercussions.

While I'm disappointed that the the black Lady cheated,
I'm fascinated by the vibes received from the two new Housemates.

Tuesday 30th May
Managed to get on top of some paperwork
before watching the England Football match
and then a couple of pints in the Woody
before accepting a kind offer from John H
to pop in for a nightcap on the way home.

Wednesday 31st May
Woke on John H's Sofa
feeling very poorly, after too much Spirits,
and stayed that way on my return home.