my belief in 'Trust' is at an all time low... but not lost.

A bloke's December 2005 online journal

I'm still going with the flow
but feel in a position to start directing my Destiny
any red/green 'highlighted' words are links to deeper stuff

Thursday 1st December
Margaret and Simon called in, but I was sad that I could only ease her problem
rather than clear it, before Nick L arrived for a chat about his website
and a meal in the Woody, before I returned to the Woody for a couple of Lagers
and wondered if my Mother and Sister's grief, after losing a spouse long ago,
distracted their understanding of my bereavement, even though Sylvia still lives.

Friday 2nd December
Went for the blood test in the morning
and then got to grips with housework and wondered what I want the house to say,
as I coated myself in coal-tar treatment, rather than treating the house to some TLC..

Saturday 3rd December
Nick L arrived in the morning and I really enjoyed showing him how he could explain
his skills on the web, and the Ohh... moment when he understood how he could build a site
before we went for a meal again in the Woody, a few more pints than normal,
and, after more wine and good cheer, we talked into the night, but was sorry
that Nick had to crash on a mattress in Michael's room rather than a cool crash pad.

Sunday 4th December
Disappointed at my hospitality, as Nick had to come into my room, to turn off my alarm,
in the morning, as I slept through till past midday, and he was up before midday,
and I was still groggy as I photocopied some stuff for Tony A, in the afternoon,
before Tony arrived again for a Sunday chat and a few cans, in the evening, but
I was aware that I empathised with his sadness more than my desired positive inclinations.

Monday 5th December
Very uncomfortable, and cancelled Cyril's offer to see what the local 'Lions Club' does,
and took my tablets and lotions,
as I wondered what I could have done in life
if chronic stuff hadn't hovered in my conscious mind,
but updated my History of the World after another nice E-mail.

Tuesday 6th December
Settled in for a smelly day again
but I'm happy with the mix of my Tuesday TV, to stimulate realities and fantasies,
and pondered on what I would offer to the Dragon's Den.

Wednesday 7th December
Despite skin stuff,
I really enjoyed returning to Bishop Wilkins after a long sojourn
and then got to grips with bringing my diary up to date, after a nice mailing from Vince.

Thursday 8th December
Very uncomfortable again
and slept through a lot of the discomfort
before easing the spine, again, with ointments.

Friday 9th December
Ian M popped in, in the evening, and we explored our various Biblical concepts,
through the Breast Plate, to Caleb, to James
and both pondered at parting.

Saturday 10th December
Wondered about Justice... aware that 'Stuff Happens', as I continued the Exorex Treatment
and, while disappointed that I didn't get a 'average' thick skin to hold in body and Soul,
 I reflected on a lot of Cool past-moments... Tick Tock.

Sunday 11th December
Tom popped in in the afternoon, and I enjoyed helping him with some Event tickets
before sticking more smelly stuff on
and watching TV.

Monday 12th December
Had another Treatment day, in pleasant anticipation of tomorrow.

Tuesday 13th December
Switching off the alarm caused pain but I only overslept by half 'n hour,
and I enjoyed a lovely, clean, Day with Sarah, shopping for Xmas presents in Chester
and we enjoyed relaxing, over a nice meal after Lee had joined us,
and I look forward to getting into the 'Christmas Spirit' next Week...
and really enjoyed accepting Sarah's invitation for 'Christmas Day' Festivities,
and her Glee at my acceptance, as she takes over from me at the Christmas Tree,
and I was later pleased to accept a ticket to 'Xmas Eve at the Woody', in the evening.

I'm happy, as I'm writing this, now, while listening to the superb Prairie Wind CD, bought
by me today... for me, rather than hand Sarah a DVD version, to give me at Xmas,
which I'd attempted to get on the day of release but was now unavailable.

Wednesday 14th December
Still dozy when surprised by a lovely call from my Son, Michael,
and was aware that I haven't always got an answer, but we got there, probably,
before I settled down to easing my discomfort.

Thursday 15th December
Prepared the skin, before leaving my cave,
and saw a superb ceremony at Hooton Park Lodge, as Johnnie B's guest,
and was happy that my beliefs can outweigh contradictions.

Friday 16th December
Still in dressing gown in the afternoon, I was pleased to see Chris L
and enjoyed listening to his ideas on our Healthy Safety Game
before a smashing 1st, 3rd, at Stanlow Lodge, as a guest of Garry H (thanks).

Saturday 17th December
Brian B popped in, in the afternoon, and we enjoyed 'Bloke' chatting,
before another nice phone call from Michael (I wish I could pop round to sort his questions)
before I popped into Ian M's home, before our visit to the supermarket,
and we realised that splitting the 2for1 food offers could be split usefully and,
in the evening, I was warmed by hearing Buddy Miller on the Bob Harris Radio Show.

I especially enjoyed listening to Buddy Miller's "Don't tell me" later,
as I try to keep on forwarding Sylvia's mail, still, but am now finding it too difficult,
as I worry too much about our children's 'now' feelings.

Sunday 18th December
Inertia was driven by inactivity's skin easing.

Monday 19th December
Inertia flowed through the day again, as I prepared for a day out with my Daughter.

Tuesday 20th December
Wasn't far off from the alarm calls and enjoyed another day's shopping in Chester, with Sarah
and Lee, and hope that I didn't exasperate Sarah's shopping list, as we got stuff done,
as we found some nice Spirit presents to give, as the Solstice changes, and, after
a dose of Doublebase ease, I enjoyed a non-anniversary 'Pint in the Woody' with Scotty,
and didn't skip the Jesus songs on the multiple listenings of the 'Buddy Miller' CD later,
that I'd bought earlier, knowing it was just another nice guy's view of today, but remember
my awkward Hippy 'Happening' ideals, through With God On Our Side, youthful consternations.

Wednesday 21st December
Very uncomfortable, it will settle shortly, and badly disguised my skin's discomfort
when my Mum and Aunt arrived and, in the evening, Paranormal John kindly popped in,
and I managed to share a pint with Cyril later, and then a closing-time Pint in the Woody.

Thursday 22nd December
Very uncomfortable again and was cheered when Ian M popped in
and enjoyed chatting, on Skype, with his American Friend, Ellen, a Lady in Red,
as Dawn approached.

Friday 23rd December
Ian M popped in again and we went to Cheshire Oaks, to buy Xmas stuff, and I was pleased
with the Christmas thoughts that I'd bought, as I wrapped slowly through the night, but,
once again, I'm aware that I didn't send Xmas cards to those that I should have greeted.

Merry Christmas to those that know that I would have sent Christmas Greetings to.

Saturday 24th December
Christmas Eve, and I got to my Mum's house, and my Sister's
before receiving a kind thought from Sally
and enjoyed using my 'free ticket' to the Woody's 'Evening Do', with Tony, Scotty and Nick.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

Sunday 25th December
Woke late, and took too long in easing, but managed a short phone chat with Michael
before getting to Sarah's by early afternoon, for a lovely 'Gifts under the Tree' time,
before she, a 'Veggie', produced a gorgeous three course 'Lamb' meal for Lee and I,
before a Bubbly TV bloat and Xmas 'Board Game' fun later,
knowing that I could crash out on their settee, rather than drive home tipsy.

Monday 26th December
Drove home, sober, early afternoon, with a golden-moments memory, and set to
to clearing the Xmas-Eve wrapping remains, and Kirbyed the skin-drifts, while listening
to one of Sarah's gifts, a Tom Petty DVD and got most of my washing-up done,
before opening-up my 2005 Xmas Tipple, and, after turning down the lights, settled down
to enjoy the Sound Stage A\V experience... and thought "that's why I got a 32" LCD.

The DVD was still playing after Arran arrived in the evening, and still when Mark, Mark
and Jason arrived and sat down, but I lifted the tempo, helped by Jack D, later, and shared laughter, as we all enjoyed the Jimmy Carr DVD that Sarah had also given me.

Tuesday 27th December
Got up late, lotioned the skin, and went back to bed
before getting up again at 8
and finished off the JD bottle.

Wednesday 28th December
Comfortable enough to wake early and collect Ian M, to get him to the station,
before resorting to my easing creams and caftan,
and wondered about a better year ahead.

Thursday 29th December
After trying to get an appointment with my Doctor, tossed and turned in bed later
as I went 'cold turkey' and avoided alcohol
but was pleased that I hadn't mentioned Sylvia throughout a lovely Christmas.

Friday 30th December
Nick L arrived early and I was awake, just, after sleeping through earlier alarm calls,
but we enjoyed a Christmas chat, once I'd Kirbyed, rather than work on his website re-think,
and I look forward to our working together, in promoting 'Individual Worth', in 2006.

Saturday 31st December
After ignoring the phone rings, from Ian M, I arose late
as Tony A arrived and, after dressing, I felt a bit more comfortable, and
after Ian M popped in in person, I settled down to enjoy Hogmanay on my own.

Enjoy Tomorrow.