my belief in 'Trust' is at an all time low... but not lost.

A bloke's November 2005 online journal

I'm still going with the flow
but feel in a position to start directing my Destiny
any red/green 'highlighted' words are links to deeper stuff

Tuesday 1st November
I understood why Sylvia had said that she wanted to be a Lover
rather than a Carer, as my discomfort continued
as I stayed in our ex-home alone.

Wednesday 2nd November
Lethargy was broken, after a nice visit, and chat, from Brian B,
and then a 'cool' phone chat with my Son, Michael,
but I had a horrible night's thoughts about Sylvia's betrayal.

Thursday 3rd November
Aware that cheese before bed is not a good idea,
I refrained from showing my suppressed anger, as usual, but wanted to write a poem,
at 4am, on 'what is Love' but enjoyed a visit to the Woody in the evening,
and perchance met Chris R, from Nick L's 'Success Course', who, for an hour,
crashed out in my empty home, but was so pleased that he left with a new confidence.

But wish that Sylvia's latest leaving Statement
"you'll soon find someone else" could relieve the hurt
that she has caused to my understanding of our 30 years of "Love".

Friday 4th November
Wayne, Tony A's Son-in-Law popped in and I enjoyed explaining
some of the wonders of the Internet, before a lovely phone chat with Sarah,
prior to a dress-rehearsal meeting across the road.

Saturday 5th November
Annoyed that I didn't get stuff done, again, and, after receiving Chunkie's realistic quote
for painting and decorating my home, phoned Tony A and arranged to meet for an unwind
hour in the Woody, and chatted with Chunkie about the un-attainable quote,
but remember Aunty Hazel's pea soup
around the bonfire... and the potatoes nestling in the embers.

Sunday 6th November
Ian M popped in, in the afternoon, and I guided him through buying a Domain Name,
as I made some progress in getting to grips with the chaos in the house
and was happy to chat, when Tony A popped in, joined by Ian M, again in the evening.

Monday 7th November
Happy that I'd got my 'Secretary' stuff sorted, Ian M arrived and I let him loose on my PC,
while I was getting to grips with Tom's troubles, on the phone, and, after an excellent Chapter Meeting in the evening, also managed to enjoy good company, for a last hour, in the Woody.

Tuesday 8th November
Needed to plaster a couple of fingers and thumbs again
and didn't manage to do anything constructive, other than a a couple of loads of washing,
but enjoyed a bloke's chat with Brian B, about graphic gadgets, at tea time.

Wednesday 9th November
Tom C popped in for an enjoyable chat
about the realities of Health & Safety
but I protected the fingers again and watched TV in the evening.

Thursday 10th November
Enthralled again, when Nick L arrived in the afternoon
and still feel confident, that the NLP path that I've landed on,
following the recent dam burst that unglued my uncomforted-zone,
has continued the path that I've long trodden, from a different perspective,
and we enjoyed sharing a meal in the Woody, after we overfilled my PC with thought.

Friday 11th November
Got up in the morning and saw my Consultant, at the hospital,
and we were both so-so pleased at the results from the zaps,
and I accepted a script for medicine, and arranged to meet in April next, in anticipation,
and then prepared myself, in readiness for a foray into Chester's Nightlife with Tony A,
to where, Rachel, Tony's Daughter, kindly gave us a lift.

We happened on the Pied Bull as a first call, good choice, and were joined by my daughter,
Sarah, and moved to the Shrewsbury, where we experienced a superb Mummer Play,
before Lee joined us, before we all enjoyed a drink, outside... in the November night,
before a warm farewell in the Black Cat, and, after the taxi ride to the Woody,
we ended up chatting back at Tony's till the early hours.

Saturday 12th November
Woke from a happy sleep and enjoyed England's wins, in Rugby and Football,
and continued to relax with the TV, through the evening,
content that I'm comfortable in believing that the crap has settled.

Sunday 13th November
Enjoyed a long chat with Michael, my Son, over his PC problem
and was hurt that I couldn't rush down to London to get him sorted
but enjoyed Tony A's understanding of our 'old blokes' reminiscing in the evening.

Monday 14th November
Woken by Michael's persistent ringing
but, eventually, so wished I could be there to sort his pc problem
and was happy that he can now get himself up-to-date again.

I also enjoyed a nice chat with Brian B, after he dropped in, and Paranormal John dropped in,
as I was on the phone to Nick L, about our fascination of the Erickson handshake experiment,
and, later, I downloaded fascinating stuff from Richard Bandler and Joseph R Plazo,
before forcing a meal, and enjoying good Monday Company, in the Woody,
but had to research new concept stuff more, a bit late into the Night.

Tuesday 15th November
Relax was my desire, as I explored Bandler's moveable feast,
and I like the way his thoughts flow, deeper,
sufficient to believe that I can use his principles to Coach deeper.

Wednesday 16th November
John M popped in with his PC
and I enjoyed the game of working out what he'd forgotten,
while I experimented with the Tree of Knowledge, from Terrence McKenna.
and, after a revisiting of the Enneagram,
I remain happy that I remain an Enneagram 'type 5'.

Thursday 17th November
Enjoyed a smashing demonstration, as John B's guest, at Hooton Park,
and was most impressed with the effort that Ben M put into his part
and was relaxed after leaving the Club, good company dissipating disillusion.

Friday 18th November
Spoke with my Doctor, and will see him on the 30th,
after a deep blood test next week, and picked up 150ml of Exorex,
before Nick R popped in with a new Laptop that I feel comfortable with, as the Ferrari
that I was toying with, was a bit too Red for backpacking through Prague next year.

Saturday 19th November
Popped round to Cyril R's briefly, after my telephone support failed,
before John M arrived with his new graphics card
and I tuned his PC, as I got the 'voice recognition' working on my new Laptop.

Sunday 20th November
John M popped in and collected his PC, working well,
then I enjoyed a long chat, for chat's sake, when Chris M popped in
and then later, after Nick R picked up my broken PC, with Tony A over a few cans.

Monday 21st November
Woke late, as sleep took me into wondering, again, on how I will ever find anyone
like Sylvia, who coped with our time together with my Psoriasis, but managed
to pop into Ralph's home, through the fog, before a thoughtful hour'ish in the Woody.

Tuesday 22nd November
Couldn't make an appointment for the blood test,
as no form had been left by my 'holidaying' Doctor,
but enjoyed chatting with Ian M, Nick R and paranormal John later.

Wednesday 23rd November
Uncomfortable. through skin developments, and disappointed
that this outbreak follows so soon after my light treatment easing,
but achieved nothing of merit... apart from coating the skin.

Thursday 24th November
After an early morning viewing of the last of some Bandler.mpg thoughts,
of his revised NLP concepts, I didn't manage anything,
but wondered about the flow of my Angst.

Friday 25th November
Self analysis created lethargy again
and I still avoided updated this Diary
as I pondered the Stuff that was Me... then.

Saturday 26th November
Enjoyed karaoke Paranormal John's effort, in providing
a mixing room, through a member's party, albeit I felt apart,
and was aware that I would have preferred to be Jill's age.

Sunday 27th November
Determined to do something
I pondered again
and achieved nothing of merit, in being house-proud, again.

Monday 28th November
Woke early, and resumed secure sleep, till late,
before Lol popped in with Scillla's pc,
before I enjoyed an hour'ish away in the Woody, in continued naivety.

Tuesday 29th November
An uncomfortable day in front of the TV.

Wednesday 30th November
Saw my Doctor and got a blood-test form,
and was content that we both agreed that one pain was arthritis,
as well as receiving some antibiotics and Haelan Tape for the other skin stuff,
before taking stock of what I had and where I was going
but still don't know where the recent dam burst has deposited me.